My so called life*

[Somewhere, under the mountains]
Gandalf [Glamdring] Balrog
Gandalf [Glamdring] Balrog
Gandalf [Glamdring] Balrog
Gandalf [Glamdring] Balrog
Gandalf [Glamdring] Balrog
Gandalf [Glamdring] Balrog
Gandalf: “U. R. PWNED!”

[Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas are running across Rohan]
Gimli: “FFS speed hax!”
Legolas: “LOL, N00b!”
**Aragorn spots the fallen broach
Aragorn: “Sif teh leaves of Lorien fall. They give +2!”

[At Isengard, Saruman is with a group of Wildmen of Dunland]
Saruman: “Teh Rohirrim are tards!”
Dunlander: “Sif leet! Damn retards!”
Saruman: “Joo bring teh pwn. Go and pwn those n00bs!”
Crowd of Dunlanders: “WOOT!”

[At Edoras]
**Eowyn visits the stricken Theodred in his chambers
Eowyn: “OMGOMGOMGOMG u got pwned! ”

**Eowyn and Eomer go to Theoden-king
Eowyn: “Theodred just got pwnt!”
Grima: “Sif! Saruman is teh leet!”
Eomer: “Teh orkz0rs are pwning us! They wear Saruman’s clag tag: {S}”
Grima: “FFS, Theoden is AFK.”
Eomer: “Joo = Saurman’s tard. And joo want netsecks with my sister, fag!“
Grima: ”Sif pwn me. I R Admin!“
Grima: ”I r teh leet.“
[Grima logs in as admin]
[Eomer is kicked from Edoras]

[Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas are running across Rohan still]
Gimli: ”…“
Legolas: ”FFS, Hide!“
Aragorn: ”Sif! Hey foos, sup?“
Eomer: ”WTF tard.“
Eomer: ”Clan {S} Are teh pwn in Rohan. Theoden has been hacked. WTF u doing here?“
Aragorn: ”We r teh tracking teh Uruk-hai.“
Eomer: ”Teh Uruk-hai are teh dead.“
Legolas: ”OMG“
Aragorn: ”And teh hobbits?“
Eomer: ”Wtf is a hobbit?“

[Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas find the spot where the Rohirrim slew the Uruk-Hai]
**Aragorn kicks a helmet
Aragorn: ”OMFGBSHAX, my toe! Arrrgh!“
Legolas: ”Sigh. Tard.“

**Aragorn searches, finds the ropes
Aragorn: ”OMG, B&D!“
Legolas: ”LOL, sif.“
Aragorn: ”And then they went into teh Fangorn forest.“
Gimli: ”WTF. GG FN tards.“

[Merry and Pippin are running through Fangorn Forest]
Merry: ”WTFBBQHAX“
Pippin: ”Ssh.“
Grishnákh: ”Argh! Yuo=pwned!“
Treebeard: ”Sif.“
Treebeard [Stomps] Grishnákh
Treebeard: ”PWNT!“
Pippin: ”OMG“
Treebeard: ”OMG, A/S/L.“
Merry: ”WTF?“
Treebeard: ”U r teh orks“
Merry: ”Sif“

**Smoke is seen to the south
Treebeard: ”It r clan {S}. They R pwn.“
Merry: ”WTF is clan {S}?“
Treebeard: ”Saruman@isengard.com“
Merry: ”o.0“

**The hobbits can see a the armies of Isengard
Merry: ”O. M. G.“
Pippin: ”Pfft, China inf is for noobs.“
Merry: ”N00b Zergling rush!!! o.0“
Treebeard: ”Sif… got Entmoot, bbiab.“
Merry: ”Wtf is an Entmoot?“
Treebeard: ”It R a LAN.“

**Later, while the Ents are meeting
Treebeard: ”Well, no war!.“
Pippin: ”>.< “
Merry: ”o.0 SIf“
Treebeard: ”Soz“
Merry: ”Take us south.“
Treebeard: ”kk“

**Treebeard sees the desolation wrought by Saruman’s armies on Fangorn Forest
Treebeard: ”O… M… G…“
Treebeard: ”FFS TARD MOFO >.< “
**Treebeard summons the other Ents
Ent [Rock] {S}Ork
Ent [Rock] {S}Ork
{S}Ork: ”WTF1“
Ent [Rock] {S}Ork
Ent [Rock] {S}Ork
Saruman: ”OMG, I aven’t finished my base defense yet! >.<“
Treebeard [Stomps] {S}Ork
Treebeard [Stomps] {S}Ork
Ent [Treetrunk] {S}Ork
{S}Ork: ”OMG! RUN AWAY!“
Ent: ”PWN!“
Ent [Rock] {S}Ork
Ent [Rock] {S}Ork
Ent [Stomps] {S}Ork
Treebeard [Stomps] {S}Ork
Merry [Stones] {S}Ork
{S}Ork: ”Ow, ffs“
Treebeard [Stomps] {S}Ork
Ent [Stomps] {S}Ork
{S}Ork [Flames] Ent
Ent: ”OMG OW!“
{S}Ork: ”WOOOOT! ;P“
Ent [Rock] {S}Ork
{S}Ork: ”Aw!“
Treebeard [Stomps] {S}Ork
Treebeard [Stomps] {S}Ork
Treebeard [Stomps] {S}Ork
Treebeard [Stomps] {S}Ork
{S}Ork: ”OMG BASECAMPER!“
{S}Ork: ”FFS. >.<“
Ent [Rock] {S}Ork
Ent [Treetrunk] {S}Ork

**the Ents destroy the damn overlooking Isengard
{S}Ork is no more
{S}Ork is no more
{S}Ork is no more
{S}Ork is no more
{S}Ork is no more
{S}Ork is no more
Ent: ”Woot!“
Saruman: ”OMG. GG.“

[Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas are in Fangorn Forest]
Legoals: ”Teh White Wizard!“
Aragorn: ”Ph34r!“
The White Wizard: ”LOL, noobs.“
Aragorn: ”Wtf.“
The White Wizard: ”You want teh hobbits?“
Aragorn: ”Where are they?“
The White Wizard: ”LOL. They met teh pwnerer.“
Aragorn: ”Who are joo?“

**The white light fades, revealing Gandalf
Aragorn: ”WTFOMGBSHAX!“
Gandalf: ”Teh balrog was noob. He got pwned. I can dance all day, I can dance all day!“
Gandalf: ”Boom! HEADSHOT!“
Gandalf: ”I R GANDALF TEH GREY!“
Gandalf: ”I R GANDALF TEH WHITE!“
Gimli: ”FFS, make up your mind! ><“

[Eowyn is farewelling Theodred. Grima is there]
Eowyn: *tear
**Grima puts a hand on Eowyn’s shoulder
Grima: ”Sifn’t deal with his pwnage, now that Eomer is banned“
Eowyn: ”FFS tard, FOAD“

[Gandalf, Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas arrive in Edoras]
Gandalf: ”There are tards here.“
Gimli: ”I’ll TK all of them!“

[The four of them enter the Hall of Edoras]
Grima: ”OMG, it’s Gandalf. He is a tard!“
Gandalf: ”Theoden, U R Tard.“
Grima: [whispers] ”Sif Gandalf“
Theoden: ”FFS Gandalf, FU!”
Grima = [Admin] Grima
Grima: “Joo will be pwned!”
Gandalf: “LOL”
Grima is being kicked from the server. Reason: Using banned name “[Admin]”
Gandalf: “LOLOLOL”
Gimli: “Hah!”
Theoden/Saruman: “Joo have no hax here, Gandalf!”
Gandalf: “SIF!”
**Gandalf strikes Theoden in the head with his staff, driving Saruman’s control from him.
Eowyn: “OMG!”
Gandalf: “LOL, Sifn’t hax!”

[Theoden, Gandalf, Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas are in the Hall of Edoras]
Theoden: “Sif war. We would be pwned”
Gandalf: “Eomer is hax!”
Theoden: “We go to Helm’s Deep, foo!”
Gandalf: “Sigh”
Aragorn: “WTF?”
Gandalf: “I’m off! I’ll bring teh hax.”
Gandalf has disconnected
Gandalf has left the server

[Grima and Saruman are in Orthanc]
Grima: “Theoden=tard. He’ll go to Helm’s Deep!“
Saruman: ”o.0. Send teh warg-riders. They be pwn!“
Warg Riders: ”Leet!“

[The Warg Riders attack the Rohirrim heading to Helm’s Deep]
Warg Rider: ”Argh!“
Hama: ”OMFG!“
Warg Rider [Wargs] Hama
Gamling: ”PWNT!“
Warg: ”Grrrr!“
Gamling: ”Nice doggie.“
Warg [Wargs] Gamling
Gamling: FFS, lag
Warning, Connection problems detected
Gamling has disconnected from the server
Legolas [Arrow] Warg
Legolas [Knife] {S}Ork
Legolas: ”Enemy Scout Spotted!“
Theoden: ”FFS, teams! >< “
Legolas [Arrow] {S}Ork
Legolas [Arrow] {S}Ork
Legolas [Arrow] {S}Ork
Legolas: ”LOLOLOL Tards!“
{S}Ork: ”FFS, that hacker!“
Gimli: ”I bring u pwn!“
Legolas [Arrow] {S}Ork
Gimli: ”OMFG, kill theif!“
Gimili [Axe] Warg
**The Warg falls ontop of Gimli
Gimli: ”FFS. BG“
**An Ork creeps over the corpse of the Warg.
Gimli [Judo chop] {S}Ork
**The Ork collapses on the warg.
Gimli: ”Ouph!“
Rohirrim [Broadsword] {S}Ork
Rohirrim [Broadsword] {S}Ork
{S}Ork [Curved knife] Rohirrim
{S}Ork [Warg] Rohirrim
Theoden [Broadsword] Warg
Theoden: ”Woot!“
{S}Ork [Warg] Rohirrim
Theoden [Broadsword] {S}Ork
Theoden: ”LOLOLOL!“
{S}Ork: ”FFS, hax!“
{S}Ork: ”Turn it off!“
{S}Ork [Warg] Rohirrim
Theoden [Broadsword] {S}Ork
Theoden: ”PWNED JOO!“
Aragorn: ”LOL prepare to b pwnt!“
Sharku: ”Sif, tard“
Sharku: ”STFU and die!“
**Aragorn finds that his wrist is caught in the saddle straps of the Warg’s saddles as it charges towards a cliff.
Aragorn [Stabs] Sharku
Warning: Connection Problems Detected
Warg has disconnected from the server
Legolas: ”LOLOLOL, Pwned!“
Legolas: ”Aragorn? FFS tard!“
Gimli: ”Aragorn?“
Sharku: ”LOLOLOLOLOLOL *cough“
Legolas: ”WTF?! Sif live tard!“
Sharku: ”He’s dead!“
Legolas: ”WTFBSHAX!“
Sharku is no more
Sharku has disconnected from the server

[At Isengard, Grima and Saruman are discussing the attack on Helm’s Deep]
Saruman: ”U can get hax for anything!“
Grima: ”Wtf?“
Saruman: ”I R leet. I’ve got teh wallhax for Helm’s Deep!“
Grima: ”Cool1“
**The armies of Uruk-Hai are arrayed out before Isendgard.
Saruman: ”Leet hax0rs, go and pwn!“
Uruk-hai: ”WOOT!“

[Aragorn has visions of Arwen, Elrond shows Arwen visions of he future, and Elrond and Galadriel discourse at length that the time for the Elves to leave is at hand]
Audience: *yawn.

[Aragorn is returning to Helm’s Deep on the back of Brego. He sees the massive army of Isengard marching]
Aragorn: ”OMFG. Teams! FFS!“

[Aragorn returns to Isengard]
Gimli: ”HAX! LOLOOLOLOL“
Legolas: ”WTF!“
**Legolas returns the Evenstar to Aragorn
Eowyn: *tear
Aragorn: ”Sif safe. 10K {S} coming this way!“
Theoden: ”OMG!“
Aragorn: ”Teams!“
Theoden: ”exec rohirrimhax.exe“

[Later, as Aragorn is preparing for the battle. Legolas and Gimli are there]
**A horn is sounded in the distance
Legolas: ”Wtf?“
Legolas: ”That is no {S} horn!“
Haldir: ”Got Elf-hax?! “
Legolas: ”Woot!“

[The Isengard Uruk-Hai array themselves before the walls of Isengard]
Uruk-Hai: ”PWNAGE TIME!“
Gimli: ”Sif! I can’t see!“
Legolas: ”LOLO. Shortarse!“
Aragorn: ”exec arrowhax_v_1_2.exe“
Elf [Arrow] Uruk-Hai
Elf [Arrow] Uruk-Hai
Legolas [Arrow] Uruk-Hai
Elf [Arrow] Uruk-Hai
Elf [Arrow] Uruk-Hai
Legolas [Arrow] Uruk-Hai
Legolas [Arrow] Uruk-Hai
Elf [Arrow] Uruk-Hai
Elf [Arrow] Uruk-Hai
Elf [Arrow] Uruk-Hai
Legolas [Arrow] Uruk-Hai
Gimli: ”Did they hit anything?“
Rohirrim [Arrow] Uruk-Hai
Legolas [Arrow] Uruk-Hai
Rohirrim [Arrow] Uruk-Hai
Legolas [Arrow] Uruk-Hai
Legolas [Arrow] Uruk-Hai
Rohirrim [Arrow] Uruk-Hai
Rohirrim [Arrow] Uruk-Hai
Legolas [Arrow] Uruk-Hai
Rohirrim [Arrow] Uruk-Hai
**The Uruk-Hai keep coming, and start raising ladders against the deeping wall.
Gimli [Big Fucking Axe] Uruk-Hai
Gimli [Big Fucking Axe] Uruk-Hai
Gimli: ”LOLOLOL! TWO!“
Legolas: ”Seventeen! Foo lol!“
Gimli: ”OMFG“
Gimli [Big Fucking Axe] Uruk-Hai
Legolas [Arrow] Uruk-Hai
Legolas [Arrow] Uruk-Hai
Legolas: ”LOLOLOL!“
Uruk-Hai: ”AIMBOT!“
Uruk-Hai: ”Sif! I was behind cover!“
Gimli [Big Fucking Axe] Uruk-Hai
Gimli: ”17!“
Gimli [Big Fucking Axe] Uruk-Hai
Gimli: ”18!“
Gimli [Big Fucking Axe] Uruk-Hai
Gimli: ”19!“
Gimli [Big Fucking Axe] Uruk-Hai
Gimli: ”20! LOLOOL“

[The Uruk-Hai are stacking Saruman’s devices into the culvert at the foot of the deeping wall. An Uruk-Hai comes running in carrying a specialised torch.]
Aragorn: ”WTF is that?“
Gimli: ”I can’t see!“
Aragorn: ”Kill teh tard!“
Legolas: ”KK!“
Legolas [Arrow] Uruk-Hai
**The Uruk-Hai stumbles the last few steps but manages to pitch himself into the culvert with the torch.
Uruk-Hai [Wallhax] Rohirrim
Uruk-Hai [Wallhax] Rohirrim
Uruk-Hai [Wallhax] Elf
Uruk-Hai [Wallhax] Rohirrim
Uruk-Hai [Wallhax] Elf
Uruk-Hai [Wallhax] Rohirrim
Uruk-Hai [Wallhax] Elf
Uruk-hai has killed a teammate
Uruk-Hai is no more
Uruk-Hai is no more
Uruk-Hai is no more
Theoden: ”OMG! WALLHAX!“
Rohirrim: ”Turn it off!“
Rohirrim: ”Hackers!“
Uruk-Hai: ”LOLOOLOLOL!“
**The Uruk-Hai start pouring through the breach in the wall
Gimli: ”OMFG! TEAMS FFS!“
Gimli [Big Fucking Axe] Uruk-Hai
Gimli [Big Fucking Axe] Uruk-Hai
Aragorn: ”CHARGE!“
Elf [Sword] Uruk-Hai
Elf [Sword] Uruk-Hai
Gimli [Big Fucking Axe] Uruk-Hai
Elf [Sword] Uruk-Hai
Uruk-Hai [Rusty blunt sword] Elf
Uruk-Hai [Rusty blunt sword] Elf
Uruk-Hai [Rusty blunt sword] Elf
Elf: ”OMG! TEAMS“
Uruk-Hai [Rusty blunt sword] Elf
Uruk-Hai [Rusty blunt sword] Elf
ELF: ”FFS!“
Uruk-Hai [Rusty blunt sword] Elf
Legolas: ”OMG“
Legolas [Arrow] Uruk-Hai
Legolas [Arrow] Uruk-Hai
Legolas [Arrow] Uruk-Hai
Legolas [Shield to the throat] Uruk-Hai
Uruk-Hai: ”OMG BS!“
Aragorn: ”Teams! FFS! FALL BACK!“
Uruk-Hai [Blunt vicious sword] Haldir
Uruk-Hai [Blunt vicious sword] Haldir
Haldir: ”OMG. OW!“
Aragorn: ”WTF BS HAX!“
Aragorn [Broadswoard] Uruk-Hai
Theoden: ”Brace teh doorz0s!“

[The Rohirrim, Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli are inside the keep]
Theoden: ”OMG, we’re pwnt!“
Aragorn: ”Sif!“
**Theoden leads the charge out of the gates of Helm’s Deep
Rohirrm [Horse] Uruk-Hai
Rohirrm [Horse] Uruk-Hai
Rohirrm [Horse] Uruk-Hai
Rohirrm [Horse] Uruk-Hai
Uruk-Hai: ”W. T. F?“
Uruk-Hai: ”O M G!“
Rohirrm [Horse] Uruk-Hai
Rohirrm [Horse] Uruk-Hai
Rohirrm [Horse] Uruk-Hai
Rohirrim: ”LEET!“

**To the East there is a rider on a white horse
Aragorn: ”OMG! Gandalf!“
Gandalf: ”FFS, teams!“
Eomer: ”LOL sif!“

**The Rohirrim charge down on the Uruk-Hai on their flanks and front
Rohirrim [Horse] Uruk-Hai
Rohirrim [Horse] Uruk-Hai
Rohirrim [Horse] Uruk-Hai
Rohirrim [Horse] Uruk-Hai
Rohirrim [Horse] Uruk-Hai
Rohirrim [Horse] Uruk-Hai
Rohirrim [Horse] Uruk-Hai
Rohirrim [Horse] Uruk-Hai
Rohirrim [Horse] Uruk-Hai
Uruk-Hai: ”OMFG hax!“
Uruk-Hai: ”!Changemap“
Theoden: ”LOL, Rohirrim=teh winn0r!“

[Frodo and Sam are sleeping on the rocky ground]
Frodo: ”Gandalfz0r!“
Sam: ”WTF?“
Frodo: ”…“
Sam: ”STFU and sleep, foo!“

**Frodo and Sam head towards Mordor across rocky and inhospitible ground
Frodo: ”OMG…“
Sam: ”It’s teh hax, isn’t it?“
Frodo: ”Chewing through teh processes. “
Sam: ”Foo.“

**That night, while Sam and Frodo sleep Gollum creeps up on them.
Gollum: ”Sssif theives. Preciousss isss MY hax0rsss. We hatesss teh hobbitssses for leeching teh preciousss.“
**As Gollum reaches out for the ring, Sam and Frodo jump up and grab him.
Gollum: ”ARGH! FFS!“
Sam: ”LOL, STFU!“
Gollum: ”Sif, fatty!“
Frodo: ”STFU Gollum“

[Later, after Emyn Muil and entering the Dead Marshes]
Frodo: ”So… a/s/l?“
Gollum: ”WTF?“
Frodo: ”U r teh Smeagol“
Gollum: ”OMG… smeagol… … hax“

**A Nazgul flies overhead
Gollum: ”OMG HIDE!“
Frodo: ”wtf… lag!“
Gollum: ”HIDE!“
Frodo: ”OMG, LAGGING HARD!“
Sam: ”HAX! Look at his ping!“
Gollum: ”OMG“

[Later, Frodo, Sam and Gollum are overlooking the Black Gate]
Gollum: ”Teh gate!“
Sam: ”LOL, Sif get through that!“
Frodo: ”FFS“
**The gate starts to open
Sam: ”OMG, let’s go!“
**A rock is dislodged and sent tumbling down the slope.
Frodo: ”OMG, U R TARD!“
**Frodo throws his elven cloak over himself and Sam
Frodo: ”LEET! Elvish invisibility hax!“

[Later on, Gollum is catching fish in a steam]
Sam: ”OMG, fish hax!“
Gollum: ”I R TEH LEET FISH0R!“

[Later that night]
Gollum: ”Teh hax is mine!“
Smeagol: ”No! It R teh masters!“
Gollum: ”Sif tard! IT R MINE!“
Smeagol: ”But Master is my friend!“
Gollum: ”Sif Friends!“
Smeagol: ”STFU!“
Gollum: ”FOAD… u have no friends tard!“
Smeagol: ”STFU STFU STFU!“
Gollum: ”Cheat!“
**Smeagol is shaking his head
Gollum: ”HAX0R!“
Smeagol: ”STFU. Not listening!“
Gollum: ”CAMPER!“
Smeagol: ”Go away!“
Gollum: ”Go away? LOLOOLOL, tard“
Smeagol: ”U r teh hax0r “
Gollum: ”U R leet cos of me!“
Smeagol: ”SIF!“
Gollum: ”WTF?“
Smeagol: ”U R teh hax. Sif need joo!“
Gollum: ”WTF?“
Smeagol: ”FOAD foo!“
Gollum: ”…sif!“
Smeagol has logged in as admin
Gollum is kicked from the server
Smeagol: ”Wooot! “

[The next day]
Sam: ”Po-tat-toes“
Gollum: ”WTF?“

[Sam and Frodo see the Oliphaunts]
Sam: ”OMG, teh oliphaunts!“
**Suddenly, pandemonium breaks out as the Oliphaunts come under attack
Frodo: ”WTF?“
Sam: ”OMG“
Farimir: ”Wtf are you?“

[Frodo and Sam are taken to Henneth Annûn by Faramir and his men]
Faramir: ”U r teh spiez0rz.“
Sam: ”Sif spies!“
Faramir: ”Then who are joo, foo?!“
Frodo: ”…“
Faramir: ”FFS“
**Frodo tells Faramir about how they set out from Rivendell
Faramir: ”U shared teh hax with Boromir?“
Frodo: ”Sif..“
Faramir: ”Boromir is dead“
Frodo: ”WTF? How?“
Faramir: ”Spawn campers ><“

[Mordor attacks Osgiliath]
{M}Ork [Broadsword] Soldier of Gondor
{M}Ork [Broadsword] Soldier of Gondor
{M}Ork [Broadsword] Soldier of Gondor
{M}Ork [Broadsword] Soldier of Gondor
Soldier’s of Gondor: ”OMFG! HAX!“
{M}Ork [Broadsword] Soldier of Gondor
{M}Ork [Broadsword] Soldier of Gondor
{M}Ork [Broadsword] Soldier of Gondor
{M}Ork [Broadsword] Soldier of Gondor
{M}Ork [Broadsword] Soldier of Gondor
Soldier of Gondor: ”STOP CAMPING FFS!“
{M}Ork [Broadsword] Soldier of Gondor
{M}Ork [Broadsword] Soldier of Gondor
{M}Ork [Broadsword] Soldier of Gondor
Soldier of Gondor: ”Stay out of teh main!“

Farmir: ”WTF?!“
Frodo: ”Sif, I’m outta here!“
Faramir: ”STFU!“
Sam: ”OH FFS!“
Faramir: ”KK!“

[The hobbits travel through the woods following Gollum outside of Osgiliath]
Gollum: ”FFS… tard hobbits!“
Smeagol: ”WTF… u haxing me again?“
Gollum: ”Sif hobbits. Shelob!“
Smeagol: ”WOOT!”